Embracing Silence.

I sat and ate lunch with my son the other day. He’s 11 years old, and quite comfortable to sit in silence. He’s not particularly interested in answering specific questions (about his day, his tennis lesson, his plans for later). The more questions I ask, the shorter his answers get, and the faster he eats – the quicker to have the interrogation over with.

Today I did something different. I sat with him, and his silence. I had work to go back to, but I’m more and more aware of it always being there, ready for me… and sometimes it’s just nicer to sit. Quietly. And so what began as an opportunity to talk, ask questions, and feel like I had connected became a satisfying silence, punctuated by some volunteered information, which turned out to be far more interesting to listen to than the one-word answers that my questions tend to illicit.

Silence. Space to think. An oppportunity to share – if not stories, then space.

 When we intend to spend quality time with someone, the quality of that time is not measured by the amount of information or the depth of communication. It’s about passing the time together, and sharing what feels natural, in the moment. Connecting, through silence.

 We often have an agenda for any quality time spent with our colleagues, or our children, or our partners.  Spending the actual time with them is the measurable gift; as in the time passing, and spending it together. If the starting goal is very specific in terms of what we want to happen in that time, then we will often be disappointed.

In the workspace, if we bring our team together to connect and have quality time, we should worry less about how much we connected and what information changed hands, and more the fact that we connected – even if it wasn’t for long.

We’re programmed to have an agenda for everything – including quality time - and often the more flexible  and silent we are, the more that ground will get covered naturally, in its own good time.