June. Focus on Family.
Your family are the people you choose to define as such – the people that are linked to you in love – that are there to provide support, consistence, and bear witness to the way we choose to live our lives.
In terms of areas of focus, it can be far more rewarding to pay attention not to what we need from family (and this includes partners, children, parents, siblings, relatives and friends) but to what we can give to them. It’s easy to become sidetracked first on what it is we want, before considering sharing what we have to contribute. In terms of what is under our control, that’s what we can choose to do, and act on. What we want from others is not ours to action – it’s for them to decide. We can make our needs clear, but then it’s up to them to decide on what extent they can fulfill them.
So, what can we give? Its not about money, or gifts, or lectures - and more about consistency, reliability, love, and support.
1. We can care for ourselves (eat real food, move, sleep, de-stress, and achieve goals). That way we bring our best selves to our family members – feeling good, and ready to give.
2. We can listen. We can be available, within reason. We can be fully present – twenty quality minutes of focused one on one time is vastly better than one hour of distracted half-attention. Its far easier to supply support when you are fully engaged and listening. When they are being properly listened to (without interruptions, however well-meaning), people tend to repeat themselves less, and focus more on really articulating what they want to say.
3. We can give the tech a break. When we’re spending quality time with a family member we can put the ever-present tech away, and have real conversations… or even enjoy the silence for a change! There are so many alternatives to consider and even do alongside each other – walking, cooking, chatting, playing, laughing, crafting… or just being together.
4. We can be more patient. Both with day to day happenings, and long-term challenges. We tend to give family members (especially partners and children) less time to “get with the program”, and often expect them to mindread exactly what it is we want. Less shortness - give them some grace, and space! If a family member is experiencing a significant challenge, it may be crystal clear to us on what steps should be taken next, but sometimes they need the space (and the confidence boost!) to come to the realisation themselves.
5. We can be more fun. What a gift to everyone it is to sometimes bring some fun to your family! Lighten up a bit, and be more ready to laugh. It could be an activity, an outing, a game, a joke, a funny story, a impromptu dance party. Laughing together is group therapy, and it’s incredibly gratifying to be the one who instigates it.
6. We can hug more. It’s hard not to feel great after giving (and receiving) a good hug. Physical closeness almost always feels good, and hugging with full intention is one of the kindest things you can do for someone. Hugs help!
Once you’ve shifted some attention to these areas, you may naturally find that the list of things that you “need” from your family has lessened. Because you have focused on what you can give, naturally so will they, and you can relish the receiving!