Time to Think.

by Nancy Kline

 Listening to ignite the human mind.

 I’ve just read this for the second time, and found it even more helpful and inspiring than I did before.

I’m increasingly aware of how much we all struggle to listen properly in our conversations with each other. We interrupt (often enthusiastically!) before the person has completed their sentence, and disrupt the train of their thought, as well as the trajectory of the conversation. We would all do well to listen more fully – to give our best attention to the person we are taking the time to converse with; and allow them to express in full what they would like to say. When people are talking they are often thinking out loud, and just as we have become accustomed to flicking our attention between subjects on social media, we are becoming accustomed to thinking in fragments.

This book reminds us of the discipline, and the stimulation, of proper thinking, and the necessity (and respectfulness) of listening, properly. It’s a practice, and we are all a long way from perfect!

Key take outs for me:

·      Be aware of the depth of attention that you give, and what a gift it can be.

·      The quality of a person’s attention determines the quality of other people’s thinking.

·      Create a “Thinking Environment” and people will think for themselves.

·      Solitude can be a thinking environment, too.

Ten Components of a Thinking Environment:

1.     ATTENTION – Respectful listening that encourages deep thought and sharing. No interruptions, and silence is golden.

2.     INCISIVE QUESTION – Then, a thoughtful question that helps to remove the thinkers’ assumptions that may be limiting their ideas.

3.     EQUALITY – Equal turns and attention – a balanced  and respectful environment for sharing.

4.     APPRECIATION – Positive reinforcement of any good or constructive ideas, and steer away from criticism.

5.     EASE – Relaxed receptivity creates, whilst urgency and rushing destroys.

6.     ENCOURAGEMENT – Replacing competitiveness with collaboration, in the interests of the advancement of a great idea.

7.     FEELINGS – An allowance for and tolerance of emotional release can restore clear thinking.

8.     INFORMATION – Sharing helpful information only as necessary.

9.     PLACE – Creating a physical environment that makes people feel like they matter.

10.  DIVERSITY – The right mix raises the intelligence and objectivity of groups who are thinking and working together.

Meetings in a Thinking environment:

·      Everyone gets a turn to speak (and think!).

·      Begin with positive reality.

·      Let people finish.

·      Use incisive questions if they help.

·      Divide into thinking pairs.

·      Permission to always tell the truth.

·      Allow people to express their feelings.

·      End on a positive note.

An Example of a Thinking Partnership (2 people together, covering amazing ground in a session/conversation): 

Part 1:

What do you want to talk and think about?

Example: I want to think about how I can successfully run my business alone, after always needing the help and input of my employees in the past.

Is there anything more? What else about that? Etc. until the person has no more to say (or think!).

Example: Lots of thoughts about how much administration there is, how I don’t know how to do much of the detail work because I always relied on others, how my customers may expect a full team input, how difficult it is not to have people to delegate to, etc.

Part 2:

What do you want this discussion to achieve at this point?

Example: I want to figure out how I will manage to keep my business successful in the future.

Part 3:

What are you assuming that is stopping you from achieving that?

Example: I am assuming that I need a team of people working for me in order to run my business successfully.

What is the positive opposite of that assumption? – helps you get to the right question in Part 4.

Part 4:

If you knew that (new/freeing assumption)… what ideas would you have towards that goal?

Example: If you knew that you don’t need a team of people working for you in order to run your business successfully, what ideas would you have towards that goal?

Followed by lots of ideas about simplifying/streamlining/directing energy carefully and positively/ trying new things etc.…

Part 5:

Write down the incisive question, plus the ideas or action steps that you came up with.

Example: As above, but written down in detail for future reference.

Part 6:

What quality do you respect in each other?

Example: I respect you for listening so well and giving me the space to think. I respect you for allowing yourself the space to think of and flesh out new ideas.

Some of this may sound a bit cringe-y – but it absolutely works beautifully in practice.

When you listen fully to someone, you give them the space to find and reinforce what they already know, and to think of new ideas and solutions. The brilliant person is the thinker, and you can help them to discover that… by listening.

Well worth a read, and a re-read!