How to Win Friends and Influence People.

By  Dale Carnegie

I read this book in August 2019, and actually made this summary back then. I recently came across it whilst flipping through one of my old notebooks. This book was originally published in 1936 and is well known as one of the most influential self-help books ever written; with over 30 million copies sold worldwide.  Reading through my summary of his 30 principles, I was struck by how, nearly 90 years later, almost all of these principles are still right on the button. They are relevant in business, in family life, and in relationships. It is well worth reading the full book, as he explains each principle in detail, and give both practical and inspiring examples. I will definitely read it again in the future, but in the meantime, I’ve enjoyed reminding myself of his extremely astute principles.

Key take outs for me:

• Learning is an active process – we learn by doing.

• Apply new positive principles at every opportunity.

• You are not just trying to acquire new information, but attempting to form new habits. This requires time, persistence and daily application.

• Realize the power of self-analysis and self-examination.

• “If you want to gather honey, don’t kick the beehive.”

• Chinese Proverb: “He who treads softly goes far.”

• Other people may be totally wrong, but you do not have to condemn them. Rather, try to understand them.

• Success in dealing with other people depends on a sympathetic grasp of the other persons viewpoint.

• Be sincere. Do not promise anything you cannot deliver.

Principle 1: Do not criticize, condemn or complain.

Principle 2: Give honest and sincere appreciation.

Principle 3: Arouse in the other person an eager want.

Principle 4: Become genuinely interested in other people.

Principle 5: Smile!

Principle 6: Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

Principle 7: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Principle 8: Talk in terms of the other persons interests.

Principle 9: Make the other person feel important, and do it sincerely.

Principle 10: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

Principle 11: Show respect to the other persons opinions. Never say “You’re wrong.”

Principle 12: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

Principle 13: Begin in a friendly way.

Principle 14: Get the other person saying “Yes, yes” immediately.

Principle 15: Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.

Principle 16: Let the other person feel that the idea is theirs.

Principle 17: Try honestly to see things from the other persons point of view.

Principle 18: Be sympathetic with another person’s needs and desires.

Principle 19: Appeal to the nobler motives.

Principle 20: Dramatize your ideas.

Principle 21: Throw down a challenge. 

Principle 22: Begin with praise and honest appreciation.

Principle 23: Call attention to peoples mistakes indirectly.

Principle 24: Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

Principle 25: Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.

Principle 26: Let the other person save face.

Principle 27: Praise the slightest (and every) improvement.

Principle 28: Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.

Principle 29: Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.

Principle 30: Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.